SOUL SURMISE

PRAYING WITH A TRAMP WHO WAS ACTUALLY A GREAT IRISH POET

(This was my Pause for Thought on Vanessa on BBC Radio Ulster on September 22, 2020. The theme was Lessons Learned)

 

It was 35 years ago and I was on the Stranraer to Larne ferry.  We found seats and were quickly joined at our table by a man who looked like a tramp. He was dishevelled from head to toe, a little dirty and the loudness of his voice hinted that he had been drinking.

He started swearing loudly about British rail and soon everyone sat around us was focused on our table. I eventually leaned in and asked if he would mind stopping the swearing.

“What would you know about swearing?” he asked. “I am a great Irish poet and I know the power of words. What would you know? Where did you go to University?” 

When I proudly said Queens University in Belfast he shouted something derogatory about it being a sausage factory. 

Then… he walked off throwing some books on the table. People started gathering round to see what the books were and indeed the books were his - Padraic Faicc was a great Irish poet.

The Bible talks about entertaining strangers well… because some have entertained angels without knowing it. It is a small lesson in a Bible full of the preciousness of every single human being. Everyone, even the dishevelled tramp whose language is a bit strong. 

After a few minutes Padraic came back to the table and eventually shared with us about his brokenness. Born in Belfast he grew up in the poverty of Hells Kitchen in New York city. He returned to Belfast in 1969, his wife left him and his best friend was a victim of the troubles. It played havoc with his nerves.

As we left the boat I had one of the great privileges of my life as a great Irish poet asked me to pray for him and all those issues of brokenness that you can read about in his poetry. 

That boat trip was maybe as good a seminar as I ever attended. Don’t judge a book by the cover or the poet by his clothes.

THE NEW NORMAL

(my Pause For Thought on Vanessa, BBC Radio 2 on September 15th 2020... the theme was the New Normal...)

 

40 years ago this week I went off to Sunderland Poly to do a 3 year degree in journalism but lasted only 3 days. 

It just wasn’t for me and within days I was back to NORMAL.. BUT… In the few days outside normal… I had been convinced by a mother and headmaster to go back to school and give journalism a miss and choose a career in the Church. 

I was home with everything around me the same old NORMAL but the experience in between had created a NEW NORMAL that changed my choice of career.

There is a story in the Bible about Joseph. You might know about his technicolour dream coat. He was daddy’s favourite and his brothers were so jealous that they sold him into slavery and told his father he’d been killed by wild beasts. 

Joseph ended up in Egypt and after a few years actually became Prime Minister. Fleeing from famine his brothers ended up in front of him. Would he avenge their treatment of him? No he forgave them and helped them in their hunger. Something that happened in his time in Egypt had prepared Joseph to make the right choices when he went back to what might have been the old normal of family life.

These last months have ripped the old normal away from us. Oh how we’d love to not have to wear masks, be able to hug our friends and go to gigs and football matches. 

Yet, I don’t want to just snap back. I want to carry with me the many things I have learned in these strange days. 

For me I’ve enjoyed time with family… or not having to shop to somehow feel human… or trusting in God more than I do when all seems well around me. 

When all the choices available in the old normal return… I hope that I will have changed… just as I did in those few days in Sunderland in 1980 I hope I have changed enough to make the right choices… that I suppose is the new normal that awaits.

 

(This was a 3 minute mix of Sunday's sermon in Fitzroy... WATCH IT HERE)

JUST WATCH ME - BRIAN KENNEDY'S GIG GOES WRONG... AND THEN WORSE!

(this was my Pause For Thought on BBC Radio 2 on September 9, 2020... the theme for the week was LIVE MUSIC.)

 

Some years ago I was introducing the Main Stage acts at Greenbelt, an annual Christian Arts Festival in England. Irish singer songwriter Brian Kennedy was at the festival to guest on a Songs Of Praise so we slotted him in for a short acoustic set.

Everything went wrong. Technical hitches meant we were running late and Brian’s short set was getting shorter. Then the band before him, instead of coming off stage at the right time, broke into a rock thump of a stadium anthem and had the crowd bouncing.

Standing behind the curtain with Brian I remarked, “not easy to follow this with just a guitar” and Brian looked at me and with a gentle humble defiance, and said, “Just watch me!”

A tough gig very quickly got worse. Seconds after I had introduced him and a couple of strums into his first song Brian’s guitar strap gave way and his guitar crashed to the floor.

Instead of total embarrassment in front of thousands of people Brian simply kept on singing. I stood there a few feet away and watched in awe as in that moment of possible professional humiliation Brian Kennedy brought that crowd to hushed silence and grabbed their fully focused attention with just the beauty of his voice. 

It was unbelievable and I couldn’t help but hear his words echoing in my ear, “Just watch me!”

For me it was almost Biblical. I thought of Moses standing in front of the might of an Egyptian Pharaoh seeking to get the Israelites free from slavery. Tough ask. Just watch me. 

Or the wee boy David going out to fight the giant Goliath with only a sling a few stones. Everybody is thinking Tough fight and David saying “Just watch me”. 

When I find myself in tough situations where all circumstances seem to be against me, I’ll often drift back to that Greenbelt main stage with Brian Kennedy… I then dig deep in my faith, ask God for the resilience and say… sometimes even just to myself… “Just watch me” 

MY BACK TO SCHOOL NIGHTMARE... REDEEEMED

(this was my Pause For Thought on BBC Radio 2 on September 2, 2020... the theme was Back To School)

 

Back to school was my nightmare. Not in my school days BUT in the years after I left school. From leaving in 1981 right through to 2005 I had a recurring nightmare of being back at school.

There I was sitting at a desk. Or worse an exam hall. I was my age in the dream but everyone around me was school age. I was back… and I hadn’t been to any classes or read any books. I knew nothing. It was horrible.

Twenty five years of being back at school – at least in my dreams

Then it stopped. Since 2005, I have never had that nightmare again.

What happened I started wondering.

Well, in 2005 I took a sabbatical for 4 months at Regent College in Vancouver. I have no post graduate degrees but in their kindness they offered me a Writer In Residence post and I had an office beside world renowned theologians like the late JI Packer. 

I was free to go lectures… so I took a two week class on Mission. It started at 8am for three hours. I never liked classes when I was at school but by the last day I didn’t want it to end!

I came home and studied for a Masters degree. Again I didn’t have a 2:1 degree but somehow Queens University in Belfast allowed me to do it.

When I wondered why I wasn’t going back to school in my dreams, I realised that I had come to terms with the guilt in the depths of my soul that was causing the nightmares. I simply hadn’t tried at school or University. Now I had. Sorted!

It is almost a parable of what Jesus was on about. Confessing our guilt… he taught his followers… was more than just saying sorry but actually turning around and living differently. 

Both Regent College and Queens University showed me grace, defined as unmerited favour. By doing so they allowed me to redeem my wasted years in education and put my life right.

Jesus invites me to do that with all other areas of my life… all the time… it is better than going back to school. And doesn’t give me nightmares! 

FAMILY... AS A PLACE OF EDUCATION AND SPIRITUAL RETREAT

(this was my Pause For Thought on Vanessa Feltz, BBC Radio 2, on May 15th, 2020... The theme was "Family"... )

 

Family life eh. That is a little more intensive for some of us in lock down. I have come to realise that family is a place of education and spiritual retreat.

Just before our daughter Jasmine was born, I rubbed her mummy’s tummy and said “Come on little angel. Arrive and show us all those things you need to teach us.”

Family is a great school. I am more shaped by what happened in my home than what happened in schools or universities.

The teaching is more subjective. You don’t learn so much about pythagorus or chemical tables or rift valleys or Tudor Kings as you do about yourself.

I remember my older daughter Caitlin lying between us one Saturday morning when she was very tiny. We were trying to get an extra hour’s sleep and she was probably keen to wake us up. As I tried to encourage her to shut her eyes she just looked into mine and said, “I see myself. I see myself!” 

That woke me up! How profound! I then realised that I had my glasses on and she was seeing her reflection in my glasses.

Still, what we learn in those closest and most intense personal engagements shape us profoundly. In those closest to us we see ourselves.

Now I know there are probably strengths in what Caitlin saw in that reflection but I am always fearing the weaknesses. My history teacher taught me that every person who achieved anything worthwhile was aware of their weaknesses.

One of my favourite Psalms in the Bible says “Search me, God, and know my heart… See if there is any offensive way in me”. 

I am ever keen to know those weaknesses. I am keen to stop offending my neighbour. I want less bad habits to hand on to the next generation.

When I pray that Psalm I often feel that God answers. Ok Steve I will search you… I will point out your offensive ways. Now back to your family and we’ll get started… and by the way, I hear God add, in 2020 we are going to have a more intensive learning programme!

ENOUGH: LIVING SUSTAINABLY

This was my Pause For Thought on Vanessa Feltz, BBC Radio 2 - May 8, 2020. The theme was Trying To Love Sustainably and it went out in the middle of Coronavirus lock down...)

 

I don’t want to go back to the way it was before.

I have heard that phrase so many times in these weeks of lock down. What do people mean? Well, I think that people mean many different things. I think that actually the commutative answer is that so much of the stuff we were doing before lock down needs critiqued, reassessed and much of it jettisoned.

A solicitor friend has said that the amount of work their office took on was too much - unsustainable. 

A friend in business was saying that the pressure coming from clients was getting more and more pressurised - unsustainable. 

Other friends saying that time with their children has been so precious that they don’t want to lose their connection afterwards - it was unsustainable. 

I guess that in fact we are all learning that should a virus come out of nowhere and knock us off our feet many of the things that we took for granted are actually in their current form unsustainable.

There is an ancient wisdom saying that might speak into such unsustainability. In the book of Proverbs in the Bible we read 

 

⁸ Keep falsehood and lies far from me; 

   give me neither poverty nor riches, 

   but give me only my daily bread.

 ⁹ Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you 

   and say, 'Who is the LORD ?' 

   Or I may become poor and steal, 

   and so dishonour the name of my God.

 

Personally I agree with the many voices who say to me “I don’t want to go back to the way it was before”. Personally, I think that that life we lived until March 2020 was not sustainable.

But it is not enough for me to say that I don’t want to go back. I need to find the key to a new way forward. And I am committing myself to that ancient wisdom… “neither poverty nor riches”… Maybe the new word is ENOUGH, not too much or too little for anyone BUT enough for everyone. I believe that that can be sustainable and might change the future.

 

 

AT A CROSSROADS OF LIFE... SOME ADVICE

(This was my Pause For Thought script for the Vanessa Show on BBC Radio 2 on February 25, 2020... The theme was At The Crossroads...)

 

I remember a crossroads in Donegal. I was working there and I had to visit a Church but there were 4 roads heading off in all directions and no signposts. It was the days before Sat Navs and even with a map I had to waste time down two wrong roads for a few miles before finding the right road on the third attempt.

It is a little more serious when the cross roads are life changers and there are lots of them - deciding to get married, to have children, to change jobs… 

I found myself at such a crossroads about 10 years ago. Should I remain as a university Chaplain which I enjoyed or go down a new road of parish ministry at Fitzroy. I turned to a song by The Killers for help. 

In the song Human, Brandon Flowers who practices the Mormon faith sings:

 

“And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes
Clear your heart
Cut the cord...”

 

Good advice at any cross roads. I had to close my eyes and seek God in Prayer. I needed to find time to talk it over with God and to listen. I would need to be sure that Fitzroy was right for me and that this was my next step in my desire to follow Jesus.

Next up I had to clear my heart in readiness for a spiritual change. I needed to take all the selfish ideas of my own out of the decision. Ultimately being a minister is not about me but about the congregation. Clearing my heart of my own ambition allowed me to ask if I was the right minister for the Fitzroy church family? 

In the end, after prayerfully weighing everything up and believing that this was indeed what God wanted me to do... I had to cut the cord – the last bit of advice from The Killers' song! Dare to head down a road from the cross roads. 

They say blues guitarist Robert Johnston sold his soul to the devil at the cross roads. I hope I used The Killers to help me with a more Godly outcome…

MESSAGING GOD - HARDER WHEN GOD MESSAGES ME!

(this is my Pause For Thought on BBC Radio 2 on February 18, 2020... the theme for the week was Messaging God...)

 

I hate telephones. Yes, here I am on the line from Belfast even though I hate telephones. Almost a phobia. I do hate making calls. 

So messaging either by social media or texting was a God send. I don’t have to dial numbers and talk! 

Messages to send to God though that is another kind of text! To be truthful my prayer life is a little bit like messaging. I am not a great one for long prayer in the morning or evening. I prefer messages to God throughout the day. 

I find those messages to God quite easy. I just chat like I would if he was with me in the car or walking with me on the beach or on the sofa as I ask for a win against England at Twickenham on Sunday.

My problem is God’s messages back. How to understand them and how to respond.

For decades my message was “peace in Ireland. Amen” An easy message to send. When eventually God’s message suggested I do something about peace in Ireland I was slow to respond. 

Asked if I would attend a Sinn Fein annual conference I refused. I didn’t reach out across the divide. I immediately knew that I was wrong. I’d refused God’s message.

God sent another message. Another chance BUT this time I was asked to speak with my good friend Fr Martin Magill at the Sinn Fein annual Conference! Darn it. I wish I’d obeyed the first message.

It was costly. What would my community think if I spoke at the conference where some in attendance had maybe killed or maimed their loved ones. What would my family think? My Church? But here was an opportunity for us to model reconciliation in our own friendship and then to speak about peace right into the heart of a political conference. 

As I say it is easier to send the messages to God than respond to God’s but if I dare send them to God I need to be prepared to get up off my knees and dare to answer when he sends messages back. 

At least I don’t have to phone!

READ OUR SINN FEIN ARD FHEIS SPEECH HERE

JANICE'S DREAM ABOUT MARRYING SOMEONE ELSE... LESSON ON LOVE!

This was my Pause For Thought on Vanessa (BBC Radio 2) for February 11th 2020... The theme was LOVE... for Valentine's week...)

 

A few years ago, my wife Janice had a dream. She was about to marry someone else but… I arrived to try to change her mind. 

As she surveyed how her husband to be and I were setting up the Church for the weddings she realised that there was a distinct difference.

The other guy had set up the room with pictures of himself.. BUT I had set it up with photographs of Janice. 

She quickly realised that one wedding was all about him and the other was more about her. She concluded that he rather loved himself but I loved her. She chose me. Phew!

I am glad that Janice should have such a dream… but I … and she wishes that I was the selfless man in her dreams.

I have used Janice’s dream in sermons. It is a prefect illustration of why I feel blessed to have God in my life. It seems to me that every other seeker of my love and attention is setting up the room for themselves. Politicians wanted my vote with their faces all over everywhere. Businesses seeking my money with their product all over everywhere. The world seems to be all about photos of themselves.

When I read the Bible however I see my photo all over God’s intentions. His love was for me. Jesus was born and lived and sacrificed his life because he loved me. As I read about Jesus I see the faces, not of Jesus himself but of lepers, tax collectors, prostitutes and even oppressive Roman soldiers. God sets up the room for us. That is the love I long for.

I wish I could leave this Pause for Thought there but Janice’s dream still haunts me. As I set up all the rooms I will be in today whose photograph am I setting up… mine or those I go to meet? Even in our marriage this Valentine’s week. My photo or Janice’s? As in Janice’s dream, whoever’s photos I set up will make all the difference.

SIGNS OF HOPE - 4 SNOW PATROL BAND MATES AND JESUS

photo: Paramo

(So, I am sitting calmly at a 4 Corners Festival event last evening listening to the amazing poetry of Damian Gorman and the songwriting of Anthony Toner and I get a text to remind me what I had completely forgotten... I was on Pause For Thought with Vanessa this morning on BBC Radio 2. AHHHH!!! Panic! Thankfully being three days into a festival I knew there were enough resources to find a thought. I chose this one as the them was Signs Of Hope)

 

I love American Christian activist Jim Wallis’s line - “hope is believing in spite of the evidence and watching the evidence change”. 

Last Friday night I had the privilege of interviewing Gary Lightbody, front man in Snow Patrol whose Chasing Cars is the most played song on British radio in the 21st Century, in front of 400 people at the 4 Corners Festival .

Gary is a warm charming and authentic human being. He has been very honest about his mental health issues in the past and he told us an amazing story. In his worst days, he had isolated himself to an apartment in LA. Things had got so bad that he had stopped answering texts or emails. His band mates were thousands of miles away in the UK. He was cut off.

At this darkest moment there was knock at his door. He found enough courage to answer and there outside his door were those four band mates - Jonny, Jonny, Nathan and Paul. They knew the evidence was not good and so they acted to make the evidence change. 

The story has been a dog at my heels all weekend. It won’t leave my mind. How inspirational and challenging is this story of 4 best friends bringing hope in a hopeless place.

The great hopelessness of our modern world is isolation. So many people are isolated and hopelessness comes on its coat tails. 

I have come to believe that the greatest Christian word might be WITH. Jesus had this other name Emmanuel which means “God with us”. We use it a lot, thinking about Jesus birth, at Christmas. 

Rev Sam Wells has written books about how Jesus spent 30 years of his 33 years on earth of his life just BEING WITH people. No miracles, no stories, no preaching just being with... 90% of his life.

Maybe that tells me the importance a God of hope puts on friendship, relationship, connection. Today, wherever I go there are people feeling hopelessly isolated. Just a hello, a pause to listen, a knock at a door might make all the difference. In spite of the evidence maybe I can be, like Gary’s band mates or like Jesus coming to earth, signs of hope doing my bit as I watch the evidence change.