SOUL SURMISE

AT A CROSSROADS OF LIFE... SOME ADVICE

(This was my Pause For Thought script for the Vanessa Show on BBC Radio 2 on February 25, 2020... The theme was At The Crossroads...)

 

I remember a crossroads in Donegal. I was working there and I had to visit a Church but there were 4 roads heading off in all directions and no signposts. It was the days before Sat Navs and even with a map I had to waste time down two wrong roads for a few miles before finding the right road on the third attempt.

It is a little more serious when the cross roads are life changers and there are lots of them - deciding to get married, to have children, to change jobs… 

I found myself at such a crossroads about 10 years ago. Should I remain as a university Chaplain which I enjoyed or go down a new road of parish ministry at Fitzroy. I turned to a song by The Killers for help. 

In the song Human, Brandon Flowers who practices the Mormon faith sings:

 

“And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes
Clear your heart
Cut the cord...”

 

Good advice at any cross roads. I had to close my eyes and seek God in Prayer. I needed to find time to talk it over with God and to listen. I would need to be sure that Fitzroy was right for me and that this was my next step in my desire to follow Jesus.

Next up I had to clear my heart in readiness for a spiritual change. I needed to take all the selfish ideas of my own out of the decision. Ultimately being a minister is not about me but about the congregation. Clearing my heart of my own ambition allowed me to ask if I was the right minister for the Fitzroy church family? 

In the end, after prayerfully weighing everything up and believing that this was indeed what God wanted me to do... I had to cut the cord – the last bit of advice from The Killers' song! Dare to head down a road from the cross roads. 

They say blues guitarist Robert Johnston sold his soul to the devil at the cross roads. I hope I used The Killers to help me with a more Godly outcome…

MESSAGING GOD - HARDER WHEN GOD MESSAGES ME!

(this is my Pause For Thought on BBC Radio 2 on February 18, 2020... the theme for the week was Messaging God...)

 

I hate telephones. Yes, here I am on the line from Belfast even though I hate telephones. Almost a phobia. I do hate making calls. 

So messaging either by social media or texting was a God send. I don’t have to dial numbers and talk! 

Messages to send to God though that is another kind of text! To be truthful my prayer life is a little bit like messaging. I am not a great one for long prayer in the morning or evening. I prefer messages to God throughout the day. 

I find those messages to God quite easy. I just chat like I would if he was with me in the car or walking with me on the beach or on the sofa as I ask for a win against England at Twickenham on Sunday.

My problem is God’s messages back. How to understand them and how to respond.

For decades my message was “peace in Ireland. Amen” An easy message to send. When eventually God’s message suggested I do something about peace in Ireland I was slow to respond. 

Asked if I would attend a Sinn Fein annual conference I refused. I didn’t reach out across the divide. I immediately knew that I was wrong. I’d refused God’s message.

God sent another message. Another chance BUT this time I was asked to speak with my good friend Fr Martin Magill at the Sinn Fein annual Conference! Darn it. I wish I’d obeyed the first message.

It was costly. What would my community think if I spoke at the conference where some in attendance had maybe killed or maimed their loved ones. What would my family think? My Church? But here was an opportunity for us to model reconciliation in our own friendship and then to speak about peace right into the heart of a political conference. 

As I say it is easier to send the messages to God than respond to God’s but if I dare send them to God I need to be prepared to get up off my knees and dare to answer when he sends messages back. 

At least I don’t have to phone!

READ OUR SINN FEIN ARD FHEIS SPEECH HERE

JANICE'S DREAM ABOUT MARRYING SOMEONE ELSE... LESSON ON LOVE!

This was my Pause For Thought on Vanessa (BBC Radio 2) for February 11th 2020... The theme was LOVE... for Valentine's week...)

 

A few years ago, my wife Janice had a dream. She was about to marry someone else but… I arrived to try to change her mind. 

As she surveyed how her husband to be and I were setting up the Church for the weddings she realised that there was a distinct difference.

The other guy had set up the room with pictures of himself.. BUT I had set it up with photographs of Janice. 

She quickly realised that one wedding was all about him and the other was more about her. She concluded that he rather loved himself but I loved her. She chose me. Phew!

I am glad that Janice should have such a dream… but I … and she wishes that I was the selfless man in her dreams.

I have used Janice’s dream in sermons. It is a prefect illustration of why I feel blessed to have God in my life. It seems to me that every other seeker of my love and attention is setting up the room for themselves. Politicians wanted my vote with their faces all over everywhere. Businesses seeking my money with their product all over everywhere. The world seems to be all about photos of themselves.

When I read the Bible however I see my photo all over God’s intentions. His love was for me. Jesus was born and lived and sacrificed his life because he loved me. As I read about Jesus I see the faces, not of Jesus himself but of lepers, tax collectors, prostitutes and even oppressive Roman soldiers. God sets up the room for us. That is the love I long for.

I wish I could leave this Pause for Thought there but Janice’s dream still haunts me. As I set up all the rooms I will be in today whose photograph am I setting up… mine or those I go to meet? Even in our marriage this Valentine’s week. My photo or Janice’s? As in Janice’s dream, whoever’s photos I set up will make all the difference.

SIGNS OF HOPE - 4 SNOW PATROL BAND MATES AND JESUS

photo: Paramo

(So, I am sitting calmly at a 4 Corners Festival event last evening listening to the amazing poetry of Damian Gorman and the songwriting of Anthony Toner and I get a text to remind me what I had completely forgotten... I was on Pause For Thought with Vanessa this morning on BBC Radio 2. AHHHH!!! Panic! Thankfully being three days into a festival I knew there were enough resources to find a thought. I chose this one as the them was Signs Of Hope)

 

I love American Christian activist Jim Wallis’s line - “hope is believing in spite of the evidence and watching the evidence change”. 

Last Friday night I had the privilege of interviewing Gary Lightbody, front man in Snow Patrol whose Chasing Cars is the most played song on British radio in the 21st Century, in front of 400 people at the 4 Corners Festival .

Gary is a warm charming and authentic human being. He has been very honest about his mental health issues in the past and he told us an amazing story. In his worst days, he had isolated himself to an apartment in LA. Things had got so bad that he had stopped answering texts or emails. His band mates were thousands of miles away in the UK. He was cut off.

At this darkest moment there was knock at his door. He found enough courage to answer and there outside his door were those four band mates - Jonny, Jonny, Nathan and Paul. They knew the evidence was not good and so they acted to make the evidence change. 

The story has been a dog at my heels all weekend. It won’t leave my mind. How inspirational and challenging is this story of 4 best friends bringing hope in a hopeless place.

The great hopelessness of our modern world is isolation. So many people are isolated and hopelessness comes on its coat tails. 

I have come to believe that the greatest Christian word might be WITH. Jesus had this other name Emmanuel which means “God with us”. We use it a lot, thinking about Jesus birth, at Christmas. 

Rev Sam Wells has written books about how Jesus spent 30 years of his 33 years on earth of his life just BEING WITH people. No miracles, no stories, no preaching just being with... 90% of his life.

Maybe that tells me the importance a God of hope puts on friendship, relationship, connection. Today, wherever I go there are people feeling hopelessly isolated. Just a hello, a pause to listen, a knock at a door might make all the difference. In spite of the evidence maybe I can be, like Gary’s band mates or like Jesus coming to earth, signs of hope doing my bit as I watch the evidence change. 

I HAVE STOPPED KILLING SPIDERS...

(my Pause For Thought on the Vanessa Show on BBC Radio 2... the theme was The Wonders Of Nature...)

I have stopped killing spiders. Even if they are one step away. Why? Well, I was given a new perspective on all insects. I have a friend called Neville who loves creepy crawlies. And knows all about them. If you are with him and see a spider he will pick it up and no matter how small will tell you the kind of spider and the gender.

So, this summer in Africa he was in his element. He gave a couple of hours palliative care to a dying Citrus Swallowtail Butterfly and spent a lunch in Murchison Falls Safari Park with a Praying Mantis on his head! It was like having the Richard Attenborough of creepy crawlies on tour with you. I learned a lot! 

What Neville’s relationship with bugs does is that it changes mine. I lost my irrational fear and became utterly fascinated. Insects became a wonder of nature and I began to understand their place in the cosmos that, as a believer, I believe God designed. 

I thought of all of this while I watched in horror as English footballers were exposed to shocking racist abuse in Bulgaria. A commentator suggested that the Bulgarian fans needed educating. I then thought of Neville’s work with me.

Hatred is compromised by friendship. It is difficult to racially assault people you know. My prejudices in the sectarian atmosphere of Northern Ireland disappeared when I got closer to those on the other side of that divide. It took away my irrational fears and ignorance.

If insects are fascinating, then humans are even more so. As a Christian I believe that God made all the wonders of nature but he left a special imprint on human beings. We are made in his image the Bible suggests. 

If I take that idea into my day then I see all of my fellow human beings with a whole new perspective. In spite of prejudices that I work to eradicate I will not step on other people’s differences but will marvel at them, cherish them and pray that they will find the fulness of their humanity in the image of God.

I FORGIVE YOU... THREE DIFFICULT WORDS - AN AMISH RESPONSE

(this was my Pause For Thought on BBC Radio 2 on October 9th 2019... the theme for the week was Forgiveness...)

 

Sorry seems to be the hardest word. Could the more difficult three words be I forgive you. Coming from Northern Ireland we live in a perpetual struggle over the legacy of our Troubles that left more than 3,500 people dead. Sorry. I forgive you. Big words.

I am constantly inspired by the Amish people. The everyday ordinariness of their extraordinary forgiveness came to my attention at the time of the Nickel Mines Schoolhouse shootings in Lancaster County, Pennsylvannia back in 2006. Charles Roberts, a non Amish gunman, shot ten young Amish girls, killing five of them dead.

The response of this Amish community was startling. Within hours of the shootings, the Amish had visited the killer’s wife and parents. They not only told them that they forgave them but they actually set up a charitable fund for the killer’s children.

I forgive you to the family of the killer of your children. What kind of love is this? Jesus told us to love our neighbours and God… BUT he went further and asked us to love our enemies. For the Amish community Jesus call to love and forgiveness were not to be discussed or debated. They were ideas to be lived. The Amish community teach their children about forgiveness from the moment they can teach them anything. 

Yet, forgiveness for the Amish is not about wiping some objective slate clean. Forgiving is a loving act that seeks to build friendship with those that they should be at enmity with. This kind of forgiveness and love is at the heart of the Christian faith. God doesn’t only forgive us… he reaches out to build relationship with us. Every Thursday night Charles Roberts’ mother now reads and prays with a severely brain damaged little girl that her son shot.

Taking Jesus command to love and forgive seriously is not going to be easy but when it breaks in, it changes people and communities. Sorry - hard. I forgive you - even more difficult. BUT… How would my wee country be if we didn’t only forgive but made friends with those we are at enmity with? 

A SONG THAT SAVED A MAN FROM SUICIDE

This is the script of my Pause For Thought on Vanessa Feltz, BBC Radio 2, on September 25, 2019. The theme was For The Love Of Music...

 

I have lived for the love of music since my cousin Sharon introduced me to Donny Osmond and David Cassidy when I was 10. 

Ever since I have often found solace in music.  When yet another girl rejected me or  Manchester City got beaten I went into my music room, the privilege of being an only child, and put some vinyl on the turntable and set the needle down. The songs calmed my angst. 

In my pilgrimage of following Jesus, songs have continued to be sources of solace but also conduits of guidance, thermometers to take the cultural temperature and fuel to fire my imagination. 

A number of years ago my friend and songwriter Martyn Joseph was chatting to me about how he saw songs as companions for the journey. He wrote a song about a woman called Clara that spelt out what he meant. 

It is a true story. A young black woman, called Clara, gets a job nursing a baby that his rich parents didn’t really want. Years later that baby has grown up and his feeling of worthlessness, as an unwanted child, has led him to the brink of suicide. As he heads out into the desert to take his life a song comes to him, from he doesn’t know where, and it stops him. He goes on to live the life of a successful writer 

Meanwhile an ageing Clara seeks out the child that she used to look after. She finds him, they meet up and as she goes to leave him she sings a song. It is that song. Suddenly the writer knows who saved his life.

Songs can be such companions. The Psalms in the Hebrew scriptures were companion songs for the Jews. They would sing them on the way up to Jerusalem for Festivals. They sang them in exile by the rivers of Babylon. When Jesus is dying he is heard quoting a Psalm.

Often I look for a song to see me through. It might be a song to celebrate, a song to help me to be still, a song to stimulate vision, a song to soothe my blues.  I am thankful that my cousin gave me the love of music and that I am blessed with quite a few Claras.

AN INKLING OF WHAT IT IS ABOUT... ON BALLYCASTLE BEACH

This was my Pause For Thought on Vanessa Feltz, BBC Radio 2 on September 18, 2019. The theme was The Still Small Voice...

 

The north coast of Northern Ireland has been in the spotlight recently. Not only Game Of Thrones but the British Open golf. The Open was played in Portrush. As a child I loved Portrush. It was loud and bright and busy. Amusements, Rollercoaster, big beaches.

Ballycastle along the coast, I really did not like. It seemed a little dull. Yet twenty years later my wife and I bought a house there because it was cheaper. And in the last twenty years I have come to love the quieter town… smaller… less crowded… more scenic beach views.

We live in a bright loud world and being still and reflective has become a lost art, a rarity, a very difficult task. Almost by default Ballycastle beach has become my meditative space. In the late evening we walk across the beach and marvel at the sunsets behind Kinbane Head and Rathlin Island.

It is on these walks that I hear most God’s still small voice. This is where my body, heart and soul slow down. When I stop for a deep breath. Here I often have a sense that in a very ordinary evening walk something extraordinary is going on. 

Like a while back. Out for the nightly stroll I looked across at my wife Janice… our beloved dog Jed. I then looked out at Fair Head, our high cliff shelter, all its veins jutting out in strength and beauty.

And the still small voice inside me whispered, “Look Steve… do you get it. This is what the human life is all about”

So I started to ponder. The Christian Bible begins and ends with visions of oneness… between human and human… human and creation… human and God. 

The entire Christian story is based around broken relationships being somehow restored by Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. The still small voice was pointing out that I was getting an inkling of it as I held my wife’s hand and smiled at our dog’s love, and as I inwardly gave thanks for the wonder of creation. 

I then heard the voice of Van Morrison speaking about another part of Northern Ireland, “Wouldn't it be great if it was like this all the time”.

RELENTLESSNESS - CRITIQUING HOME FROM FAR AWAY

This was my Pause For Thought on the Vanessa Show on BBC Radio 2 on June 28.6.19. The theme was "Leaving Home"...

 

We leave home on Monday 8th for what has become an annual trip to Uganda. We will fly over night… 24 hours from Belfast door to Kampala door, then after a good sleep we will take an 11 or 12 hour bus journey to Arua, on the north west edge of Uganda. 

It is not only a long way from home geographically, it is a long way culturally and economically. We will be in Arua for around 10 days with a team of 18 from our Church. We funded the building of a school and we will have an amazing time playing games and doing crafts as well as teaching sexual health and doing some painting among other things.

We will also take in a different culture where choice of food is not as varied, where leisure time is not in such abundance and where just getting by needs resilience and ingenuity.

And we learn about home. There is nothing like being in the middle of Africa to force you to critique your decadence, materialism and self obsession. For me there is always a thought that my wealth carries with it all kinds of bad traits.

One year, on a University team, in another part of Africa, I asked my students what they were least looking forward to, going home. One student said simply, The Relentlessness. Being in Africa where the pressure of fashion, looks, achievement and accumulation were absent she had found some sort of calm. She didn’t want to go back.

Jesus spoke a lot about the dangers and delusion of relentlessness and advised that we should worry about tomorrow but like the birds of the air and the flowers of the field should trust a simpler way of doing life. All the stuff of earth he suggested was flimsy and meaningless. Not worth the relentlessness of acquiring. 

I have never forgotten my student’s word. It lingers with me. It took us to leave home to look back and learn. I look forward to more lessons when I finally reach Arua on July 10th… 

BEING INSPIRED BY TREVOR STEVENSON'S STORY

(Trevor and I with Anett at Bethel Royal School, January 2018)

This is my script for today's Pause For Thought on BBC Radio Uister with Vanessa Feltz which had the theme Best Story Ever...

 

Last Summer I spent six weeks sabbatical in someone else’s story, as I did some editing and writing of my friend Trevor’s memoir.

The story begins with Trevor flying back from Uganda, wrestling with God about what to do about the poverty that he had experienced in a short trip to help a school develop a farm. 

Trevor felt that that trip was his contribution. He was training to be a vicar. He had no time to think anymore about Uganda. But God and his feelings for the poor people he had met wouldn’t leave him alone and he finally gave in and decided the best way he could help was by raising £100,000 for a better farm for the school.

After the money was raised it was suggested that someone had to with the money and set up the farm. Again Trevor was sure that that wasn’t him but after failing to get anyone else he and his wife Ruth set off to spend 3 years in Uganda.

The farm was eventually set up but one morning the Local Councillors appeared and asked Trevor if he would build a school for their children to get an education.

Trevor hadn’t the first interested in education but after some thought they decided to build the school. Surely that was the end of the story but no… someone else asked about another school and someone else gave enough money.

January 2018 I traveled with Trevor to Karamoja, almost the Ugandan wild west where only 20% of children go to school. We were there because the graduates from the 120 schools that have now been built had raised money to give other poor children like they had once been an education. It was an emotional day. It is quite a story and I haven’t mentioned the 700,000 water wells dug by Trevor’s organisation.

What I learned as I spent six weeks of my life in the chapters of Trevor’s memoir is that Trevor had no big plan. In 1993 on the plane home he could never have envisaged what is happening now across Uganda and neighbouring countries.

Trevor wasn’t a great visionary, just an ordinary ex farmer come vicar. What he did have was the faith to take the next step that God asked him to take. When God gave him a door he took a leap of faith through it. Working with Trevor on his story has inspired me that if I have the courage to follow where God leads me next that I might be amazed at what God can do in my ordinary life!

 

We are in the last edits of Trevor's book. Hopefully you will be reading it, later in the year. Watch this space!