DAD'S DEATH AND MY PRIVILEGED MOMENT

For some five years I have wondered about my father’s death. My mum passed away in 2016, the toll of her devotional love and care for dad. Since then dad has been in a Residential home. Dementia had already taken him from us. Yet, how would he die?

On Tuesday morning just a matter of hours after I had the privilege of meeting Pope Francis in Rome I got woken in the night. Dad was being rushed to hospital.

On Wednesday night we made an early exit from Rome and I arrived in the Causeway Hospital at 5am. I have been here beside dad ever since. Being a pastor I know how the elderly can linger in those last days of death and I quickly sensed that dad had at least to the weekend.

Having slept on buses, planes and hospital chairs for the majority of the nights of this week, I wondered about heading to Ballycastle last night for a good night’s sleep.

Before I went my good friend David Quinney Mee sent me one of what I call his deep wisdom texts: 

"Waiting. Where waiting is no longer waiting "for"... Deeper than waiting. Letting go of "for". Being. Being there. Being in the place. In the moment. And nowhere else. Love. Open and beyond request.... Present…"

Wow. That spoke to me deeply. David and Rachel had sat at their beautiful daughter Lucia beside for weeks and months over many years and David’s wisdom from that experience also inspired me to stay by my dad’s side. It is where I should be.

This morning, after the nurses attended him at 6, I sensed that my dad’s breathing was very slow. I played a video of a Luka Bloom song The Man Is Alive and then came round the bed and pulled a chair closer to dad and began reading… repeating these lines:

 

Psalm 91 - He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;

 

Psalm 23 - He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;

 

John 14 - And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

 

I then turned to my favourite goodbye to this world - Psalm 73. I started reading from verse 23 - Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will take me into glory.

 

As I read “and afterwards you will take me into glory” God did. My dad left this life to those words from his son at his bedside. 

If I had written a way for me to watch my dad pass away then it would not have been more perfect than that.

I sat with him and then played a new song by my friend Doug Gay about the shepherd lifting the lamb to set him free and carry him home. It was a holy space.

Can I yet again thank all of you for messages, emojis, texts, emails, visits and your thoughtful gift Helen Logan. We have felt surrounded by love and prayer and good wishes from those who aren’t prayers. It has been an overwhelming week. We are tired, grieving but deeply content. 

Comments

[Frank Kelly]

Steve , so sorry to learn of the passing of your beloved Dad , Sam .
I fondly remember meeting Sam and your Mother at your home in Shandon Park , Ballymena almost 50 years ago .
It seems like yesterday .
I am pleased to know that you were with Sam at the moment of his passing on .
That is a moment that will mean so much to you in the future.
May Mr Sam Stockman rest at peace .

Frank Kelly . Co Meath . and formerly Shandon Park , Ballymena.

[Des McCready]

Deepest sympathies Steve
Cherish the memories
God Bless

[Moyà Stevenson]

So sorry to hear the sad news of your father’s passing
May he rest in peace.
He is happy now forever.
Moyà Stevenson

[Joseph Fell]

Hi Steve
God bless and comfort you at this time. “The Lord is good and all that He does is good”. It’s not easy but we have an all sufficient Saviour. May He be your strength each day.

[Alexis Johnston]

So sorry to hear of your Dads passing Steve. You will always remember the very precious time as he was departing this world . When my wee Mum died 3 years ago we were called to the nursing home early morning. Everyone left and I was with her holding her hand and reciting the Lord’s Prayer to her. We had tried to contact her minister several times but he didn’t answer his phone. It was her and me then. I recited the 23rd psalm and sang to her Be Still. I talked to her too and told her to go and be with her Lord and her loved ones. It feels like yesterday. God bless you He will uphold you kindest regards. Alexis. Malcolm & Ruth (Jonty). Johnston