Many of you will know, I shared it in a blog around New Year, that I have been suffering from UTIs. It is now three months of infections and antibiotics. I am currently on my eighth antibiotic. It has not been fun.
It is now diagnosed and I will be in hospital for a procedure and overnight in March.
Operating theatres make me apprehensive. I am sure I not alone. Are you ever as vulnerable as you are on a hospital trolley, at the mercy of strangers, no matter how well they are qualified?! Will it be painful? In my case it might!
Yet, when you are suffering, you are almost eager to get in there. Do something! Make me well!
As well as apprehension, there is anticipation. I am already dreaming of being well again, not being constantly tired as I fight off infections and antibiotics. I am imagining being free from the pain. Feeling creative.
Doctors and consultants are a blessing when they can bring your life back to its full health and strength.
God is the soul doctor. The soul surgeon.
To bring my life to the “life in all its fulness” of John 10:10, we need to be prepared to lie down in the operating theatre of the Holy Spirit.
We need to be prepared to be vulnerable before God. We need to be courageous about the pain. Of course we will be apprehensive.
Yet, the anticipation should excited us. To find ourselves living life in its fulness. To reach for the wonder of our fulfilled humanity.
Some of us grew up thinking that God was wanting us in surgery to spoil our fun, the confine our living. Such an impression of God will heighten our apprehension.
A healthy view of a loving God changes this. When we realise that God’s call to denial and cross carrying is actually to lead us to full humanity, not handicap us, then we will be more ready.
It might be forgiveness. Holding bitterness towards someone who has hurt us is a sure way to have our humanity robbed from us. The hurt they caused is added to with those twisted feelings of revenge churning within us.
We might have a right for justice. Yet, something happening to another is rarely likely to heal the scars within us. God’s gift to such a pain of soul is to forgive. To let go. Then we can start again without that awful feeling deep down within us.
We will be apprehensive to forgive. We will be vulnerable, and it will almost always be a painful act, but God calls us to see the potential of rebirth and anticipate a better life when we come out of God’s theatre of soul surgery.